As the school year approaches, reminders start popping up around us—from flashing school zone signs to back-to-school sales. These reminders aren’t just about traffic safety or school supplies; they’re also a good nudge to think about how we can prepare kids and teens as they emotionally navigate the challenges ahead.
One of the most powerful skills we can help young people build is self-kindness. Last month, we highlighted the importance of practicing self-kindness as adults. This month, we’re focusing on why it matters for kids and teens—and how families and caregivers can nurture it.
Why Self-Kindness Matters for Young People
Growing up isn’t easy. Children and teens face constant challenges—friendships, academics, social pressures, and media influences. Without self-kindness, these moments can fuel an inner critic that sounds like:
· “I always mess up.”
· “Nobody likes me.”
· “I’m not good enough.”
· “I don’t matter”
· “Why can’t I be better?”
Over time, this harsh self-talk chips away at confidence and resilience. But when kids learn self-kindness, they see mistakes as opportunities and approach challenges with patience. This mindset sets the stage for healthier mental well-being throughout life.
How Adults Can Model Self-Kindness
Kids notice what we do more than what we say. If we show frustration with ourselves—“I’ll never get this right”—they’ll adopt that tone. Instead, model self-compassion out loud:
· “That didn’t go as planned, but I’ll try again.”
· “I made a mistake, and that’s how we learn.”
· “I’m proud of the effort I gave today.”
This teaches young people that kindness toward ourselves doesn’t mean ignoring problems—it means meeting them with patience and self-respect.
Practical Tools to Teach Self-Kindness
Here are a few simple, everyday practices families and staff can use:
1. The Friend Test – Ask, “Would you say that to a friend?” This helps kids spot overly harsh self-talk.
2. Reframe the Mistake – Encourage phrases like, “This is how I learn” instead of “I failed.”
3. Self-Kindness Journals – Have kids jot down one thing they did well each day.
4. Affirmation Rituals – Start or end the day with positive statements: “I’m creative,” “I’m a good friend.”
5. Catch Kindness in Action – When you hear self-encouragement, celebrate it: “I love how you spoke kindly to yourself just now.”
Supporting Teens in Particular
Adolescence often magnifies self-criticism. Teens may feel pressured to be “perfect” in grades, looks, or social circles. Self-kindness reminds them that their worth is not something to earn—it’s already there. A helpful phrase to share: “I am more than my grades, my looks, or my mistakes. I am enough.”
When kids of all ages learn to be gentle with themselves, they’re more likely to extend that same compassion to others. Building a habit of self-kindness doesn’t just strengthen mental health—it nurtures empathy, patience, and connection.
At the end of the day, the voice our children and teens hear most often is the one inside their own mind. Let’s make sure it’s a kind one.